Originality. Creativity. Two concepts which have chosen to abandon me when I need them most. I haven't written anything since August. Do you know why? Because everything I put down on paper becomes something that I've already seen. All my ideas seem so familiar. I don't think I've ever had an idea that made it hard for me to find something to compare it to. Maybe I watch too much TV or read too much. I feel like every story in the world has already been done but then, a new author comes out with a new concept and you smack your head and say: "Why didn't I think of that?". I feel so inferior when that happens. I feel so uncreative, so unoriginal. People say that it's easy. "Just think of something no one else has before!". But I can't. Maybe I'm an in the box person, maybe I'm too rule-abiding to be a good author. Maybe I'm just not cut out for it. Maybe I should stick to failing chemistry and toss my writing career in the garbage. I say that but I know I won't. As soon as I publish this, I'll go back to struggling to find out why my MC does this or why the government would need three super powered teenagers to stop a coming apocalypse. But I feel like that's already been done. And besides, what about their parents? They can't all be orphans. Where would they live? Who would take care of them? Would they be treated like children or like soldiers? Would they become close friends or despised rivals? Would they fall in love or hate each others guts? Would they even be able to stop the apocalypse? I'm so confused. Someone once said that a good idea will stick with you until it's written. I've never had that. I've never had an idea that wants to be written so badly that I can't get away from it. It frustrates me. I'm so tired of feeling like I don't really belong in this category. I'm so tired of not having a single new idea. I'm so tired of almost giving up and then picking myself up again only to fall one more time. Even though I know she doesn't mean to, I'm tired of my mother pressuring me to write something that she wants to read. I feel pressure. Pressure to be the best, pressure to work everything out, pressure to come out on top. Pressure that all comes from me. I'm my own worst enemy.
At least I feel better about getting that off my chest. You all are wonderful listeners.
Forever Waiting For A Good Idea,
Autumn
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